I don't need to and don't often win things. Not to say I don't like excelling in my professional or personal affairs--I just don't have that supreme competitive drive that forces people to seek out useless challenges to pad their inner desire to win. It's a funny act. You can win the lottery, a peace prize, a 1/2 gallon of milk, a heated game of Yahtzee, the possibilities are infinite. I personally like the feeling of win better when it's not based on chance or pity. Many probably disagree and treat all win equally. I received a nice taste of win the other day and it made me look back at some of the stupid things I've won in life.
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The Talent Show
I don't think I understood the meaning of win at this point in my life. I was a happy child doing what my parents told me, practicing my piano, doing my homework, being a good little Catholic school boy. Memories remain hazy of the days of pre-sixth grade, but a few remain. One being the amazing model Iroquois Longhouse I made with my father in the basement. Another being the day Sister Elsa dumped the contents of my desk onto me leaving me with bruised ribs. Another and most relevant being the 1995 Kingston Catholic Talent Show.
In my younger years I was considered a profound pianist. After only 2 years of playing I was better than anyone I knew and had a knack for performing. This is funny to me because somewhere along the road I've gained a phobia of performing and now avoid it at all costs.
Most memorable for me was Marie and Katie performing their unpracticed rendition of new Oasis hit 'Wonderwall'. I recall strong feelings of empathic embarrassment and confusion over the spectacle. I also remember a magic show put on by Philip. An unconvincing but very entertaining act. I'm almost positive he had a most excellent top hat. I also remember some primitive dance lesson chops and some better practiced sung songs.
Finally I was up. The piano was in the center of the gymasium/auditorium. I sat down at the old bright wood upright Steinway, stared at the keys for a moment--then started playing 'Spinning Song' which I had just recently mastered for NYSSMA.
After I was done, everyone went wild not knowing the chops I had. And for the rest of grade school I would be made fun of because pianist sounds like penis. They also made a no-winner rule for all subsequent talent shows. I just had to ruin it for everyone.
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Amazing Magna Mountain Bicycle!
This was a random win. I put my name in one of those raffle bins they have at your local bakery or corner store. A few weeks later we got a call from the local fire department saying I was the lucky winner of a Magna Mountain Bike. "Great!" I thought. I like mountains and I need a new bike. This should be the perfect thing for me.
No one informed me this was the worst bike ever. They just told me I won. This monstrous steel burden lasted for a few squeaky months before becoming completely unusable. Riddled with flat tires and an exuberant amount of rust, this piece ended up a permanent fixture of the garage where it still sits today. Thanks a lot Kingston Fire Department, ya cheap bastards!
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I know there is more, but many things I refuse to call winning. Such things as lotto scratch-off's, sandwich club cards, and Super Ghouls and Ghosts don't deem personal win. They are just life sucking bumps along the road that promise us glory.
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