katomusic

Idealistan: 8 required films... you know, for kids

In some nook of brain, there lies the imaginary country of Idealistan where I rule with supreme authoritarian control over my worthy subjects. In my strict Autocracy, children are taught to be anything but mediocre drones floating through life without purpose and aspiration. From a young age children are required to watch abstract animations and films that teach us about the cruelty of living in this world, the obscure nature of all living beings, and the massive range of unique emotions. Plus anything that promotes praise of their Almighty Ruler.

REQUIRED VIEWING

1. Return to Oz

Start with the original. Fill your child's heart up with the joy of the magical land of Oz! Then drop a healthy dose of reality on your little one. A Depressing, dirty, and despicable reality. Oz has been completely destroyed by a demon, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion are now made of stone, and to top it off Dorthy's getting Shock Therapy.

2. The Last Starfighter

When your child just isn't trying hard enough, tell them you'll grow up to be just like The Last Starfighter. Lackluster, characterless, uninspiring, and definitely not Star Wars. It's an instant shot of confidence in knowing that everything you do and say can and probably will be better than the Last Starfighter.

3. Indiana Jones

This wonderful trilogy defines the modern Hero. He encapsulates everything good in the world and the Nazis everything bad. And by no recollection of mine, or any of my precious subjects, was there ever a 4th film made. It's trilogy. As in Three. 1-2-3. (Secret copies of the 4th will be "illegally" distributed so everyone can learn the benefits and pitfalls of clinical denial)

 

4. Nightmare Before Christmas

In no way shape or form should this film be introduced to teenagers. It invokes violent adoration in the form of Jack Skelington merchandise, obnoxious dyed bangs, and fictitious depression. It takes an innocent mind to understand the intricacies of Jack's genius and his amazing discovery that all religions, holidays, and birthdays are just fabricated ideas to promote the evils of commercialism. Match that with a bright new outlook on death and you've got one hell of an educational film.

 

5. Brave Little Toaster

This should be shown at a very young age. Preferably 2 or 3. For this society to work, we need to instate who's the master and who's not. I mean this Authoritarian rule needs to have some traditional values, does it not? This film is a wonderful example of the extreme sacrifices of a ragtag group of household appliances in there adoration and deep devotion of their "Master". I mean it's only appropriate.

6. Labyrinth

Teach your child to have homoerotic feelings for David Bowie at a young age. It's healthy. It aides with the confusion normally not felt until the late teens or early twenties when some wierdo like me freaks out when he finds out you've never seen Labyrinth. The music invokes similar feelings, but nothing speaks mutually agreed sex appeal like David Bowie in a leotard dressed up as the glamorous Goblin King. I'm tingling just thinking about it.

7. Dumbo

Show this one after signs that your child might be a bully. Explain that all the elephants daddy picked on for being different actually did end up being able to fly. And they make a fuck of a lot more money too.

 

8. Alice

The Disney version has been banned. The last copies remain in my secret archives in a cave under Lake Merrit. Jan Švankmajer's Alice has replaced the colorful yet marred Disney vision. This classic tale is told through a series of jarring images and an equally jarring soundtrack. This is to be used to prepare the children for the coming war between my frontal and temporal lobes in 2057 in the fight for my sanity. Good luck my little minions!

3D Sound Amazes Humans, Grandma Will Love It

"Back when I was a kid, we used to have 2 speakers! And the pops, clicks and burnmarks and shit were just part of the Showww!!"

It appears the human mind needs exponential stimulation over time. If technology can create it, our minds will consume it. Seeing a movie in an IMAX theater is quite the experience. In 3D, it is intensified almost to the point of nausea. On top of all this is IMAX's pristine audio flowing from it's many hidden surround speakers envelopes you into the picture. Now let's bring Iosono Sound's new '3D Sound' into the situation. 

There are only a handful of actual locations using '3D Sound' which makes it a luxury to enjoy these days. Seeing the large hardware investment that it requires, it will be surprising if this technology goes mainstream anytime soon. From the photos on the website, it appears that an entire ring of speakers surrounds the room being equipped for 3D. By using Wave synthesis and a boatload of speakers, it apparently creates an aural environment that is so believable that "the loudspeakers themselves, cannot be localized." Probably because there are 500 speakers surrounding you. Nonetheless awesome and probably an uncanny experience.

What's next? I'm hoping to be strapped into a vibrating or spinning chair while bundled up in preparation for weather machines to throw hail and salt water at me. For now I will settle for 3d Audio. I would love to install this system in my house though and torture my cat with fleeting locationless animal noises. That's a sure way to drive him insane. Perhaps I'll just journey to LA someday and check er out.

Ye Olde Food Stamps

I was digging through a crate of great-grandfatherly belongings and found a few relics from the last time our country was even deeper in the shitter. I came across a collection of four 'War Ration Books' all in a nice 'Tip-Top War Ration Book Cover'. These books were given out from 1942 to 1944 to "guarantee your fair share of goods made scarce by war". Used for rationing as well as subsidizing commodities, you could get your sugar, flour, fruit cocktail, or even a pair of shoes from Sears with the stamps. Seeing that 1 in 8 now receive food stamps and America is waste deep in endless wars, I find these stamps quite relevant.

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Mmm... Food Iron!

These books were not just given out for the well-being of America's subjects though; they had a nice bit of self interest and propaganda thrown in as well. During the same time these booklets were being distributed, there was a push for the public to donate vital resources to the war effort. Certain metals, nylon, rubber, and even cooking fats.  (Check the bottom of pic #4 above)

The metals were said to build tanks and planes, unfortunately only pure metals could be used rendering Grandma's donated pots, pans, and cocktail shaker to be made into brand new metal cookware. Cooking oil was also said to be in high demand by our boys over sea. Fat makes Glycerine, and Glycerine makes bombs. Unfortunately only a small amount of Glycerine is needed in the process so it is assumed the collective fats were buried in landfills. Interestingly, the push to donate fats was in most part by the soap industry as shown in their sensational newsprint ads. Collecting rubber was actually the most legitimate salvage drive. Almost 90% of the US rubber supply was coming from Southeast Asia and Japan had effectively cutoff the supply lines. Nonetheless, in the end, there was enough rubber reserves to win the war without the drives. 

Although millions of pounds of resources were gathered and many were put towards the war effort, the economics of the operation did not make sense. Too much of what was collected could not be used or was in such large amounts could not be effectively distributed to be reused. What did make sense was the extreme show of patriotism and support for the war it created. People felt like they were giving all they could to win overseas even though they were probably throwing there money away. 

Beyond the desired patriotic affect of the drives, people were still hungry and unemployed. Patriotism certainly didn't solve that problem. The stamp books were handed out to not only ration but feed and cloth millions of downtrodden Americans. Along with this stimulus came a crazy bureaucracy to keep it in order. A point system was developed and was reported everyday in the newspaper. It ended up looking like a modern day sports section. 

 

  

 

Critique: Lost Odyssey (VG)

A Final Fantasy clone for the XBOX360

Lost Odyssey is your run of the mill FF type RPG. You control Kaim, a quiet fellow who has lived for over a thousand years and has no memory of his past. The game takes place in a world where a Magic-Industrial Revolution is taking place and where graphics come before storyline. Thank Jebus it finally ended. I inevitably ran out of sidequests. I could have played another 50 hours. Not saying this game is any masterpiece or anything, but hell it is addicting. It really tickled my obsessive RPG completist nature. Although, other than some really enslaving gameplay, I can't say that many good things about it. In fact, I expect to shit all over this game in the review.

Graphics & Artwork 

 

Might as well start on the bright factor of this game. The game is beautiful. The landscapes and cities are all well thought out and give the surreal image of the magical-industrial society they live in. The cinematography of the game is very alluring. Great angles and pans make it feel more dramatic than it actually is! The dreams were these musical story sketches, vivid tales told in full color with sound effects and orchestration and were a unique part of the game. I'm sure most people didn't even watch them as they weren't really necessary. The world map was pretty stale and the underwater map was a dark, boring mess. Overall stellar aesthetics, but at what cost to everything else?

Gameplay

 

A Final Fantasy clone. Seeing that Hironobu Sakaguchi was holding the ropes this comes as no surprise. An old and tried formula for a game.  It's not bad thing, but it can be if you water it down enough. Beautiful artwork cannot cover up the lack of Summons, the weak and unoriginal spell selection, or the completely useless and time intensive Ring Creation system. How many Black Monster Bug Oils and Adamantine Ores do I randomly need to collect until I can make my god damned Monster Ring‽ Also, the insane load time in this game really made cinematic sequences very fragmented and unsuspenseful. And couldn't I have went and explored Khent before it was leveled to the ground, Hmm? Alas, there were many compelling elements. There's a whole bunch of great side quests, plenty of exploring to do, and one of the best RPG battles of my life.

Story & Characters

 

I really enjoyed the underlying story. That's probably why I read every single one of Kaim's lost dreams as irrelevant to the game as they were. The dreams were the most poetic and emotionally packed elements of the game, yet they never represented the cold and contained realism of Kaim's demeanor. Gongora, our 
tale's villain, was a complete failure. If there is one thing my father has ever taught me in life, it is that no story is complete without a mean, cold hearted, despicable villain. Preferably one that holds reason and wretchedness in the same light. Someone you wake up thinking about. I couldn't tell if Gongora was the main baddy until halfway through the game. I figured I would get to the man behind the man eventually but it never happened. Sad actually. You would think after 1000 years a man would find something more interesting to do than become a 'god'. All in all, the story was almost acceptable. It just lacked substance from the bland characters and for being a 60+ hour game it felt short and unfinished somehow. I could look at Ming's unnecessarily revealing chest all day though.

Sound & Music

 

A very bright point of the game that was dimmed by repetitiveness and bad voice acting. Bringing Nobou Umatseu was a very smart decision. As always his provocative compositions bring the magic into the story and the many atmospheres it accompanies. Although less melodic and more death metal than his other ventures, he successfully adds a new level of imagination and introspection into an already artistic game. Certainly not as memorable as his past soundtracks (I always compare to FF7). I also would mention that music is overused far too much and tends to water down drama when you've heard the same tracked used on all 4 disks.

Prologue (Good example of the main theme)

The sound design was solid. A sonic realism was used to create an organic world which was complimented nicely by the surreal electronic sounds of the magic-industrial times they lived in. A few stand out sounds included the airship spinning into the air and violently slamming back down into the water. The 'Roughs' in the Black Cave gave a wonderful zombie bird screech. But as for many modern games, the lack of stand out sounds comes with the territory as most games are now designed with organic sources rather than synthesized weirdness and also require 1000's of unique sounds and variations on each.

Awful English voiceovers. Absolutely awful. I don't know who was being catered to, but there were some poor voice actor choices with some poor voice direction in the English dubs. The Japanese voices on the other hand were incredible. Very emotional and believable voices that made the characters a little bit less bland.

Verdict = Still Holding 7 Eggs

I understand making games is a very exhausting process, creatively, mentally, and physically. I do wish all this talent and creativity did make a truly remarkable game. They didn't. Lost Odyssey had a super team working for it, an incredible Japanese folk tale to work with, and a renowned director. Yet it failed to reach any new heights. Yes, they did create a very playable and enjoyable experience, but they did not create anything new. Stunning graphics, artwork, and music never forgive bland and regurgitated gameplay, stories, and characters. I did use 70 hours of my life to complete it, so by all means please call me a hypocrite.

Amaaazing New Product!

I would like to publicly announce the opening of this fancy website. I aimed at making a portal for myself where I can throw my music away for free, display my aural craft, promote my studio services, and mouth off to the world. All of the above were, I believe, accomplished.

Now I would like to welcome you to the sometimes exciting human adventures of Billy and his tall, handsome and clean-shaven moniker Katoarts. 

The Key of the 'Key System'

Many in the East Bay may not know it, but it was once the home of bustling streetcars that connected the many cities this side of the bay. From Richmond to deep East Oakland, streetcars made the cities and neighborhoods of the East Bay much closer and less fragmented than ever before, perhaps even closer than they are today. Along with 8 different streetcar lines, the Key System opened a line on the lower level of the Bay Bridge that connected to San Francisco. It was said to take only 30 minutes to get from the Alameda Court House to the Transbay Terminal in San Francisco. Pretty good for 1935.

A sensational video showing off the Bay Bridge extension (1945)

The inevitable dawn of mass produced, cheap automobiles in the 40's and 50's and the eventual buyout from the General Motors Company led to the unfortunate dismantlement of the Key System in 1958. The publicly-owned AC Transit formed in 1960 which operates the buses to this day. Although there is a tasty conspiracy about why the streetcars in Oakland were removed (along with about 50 other cities), it seems to just boil down to a cultural and technological shift in the minds of Americans.

The automobile set people free in many ways. It unbound people from transit lines, allowed longer distance travel, had an overwhelming social appeal, and was a symbol of that sweet, sweet American Dream coming true. Along with millions of people buying into this private single-person vehicle came other devices like the Interstate Highway System, which included such beauties as the MacArthur Maze and the elevated I-580 (which happened to win the prestigious "Most Beautiful Highway in America" award in 1964).

We now know how wasteful, environmentally unfriendly, and expensive it is to live out our own vehicular individualism. The whole bay area is saturated with cars making even the shortest commutes painfully long. The highways have polarized parts of the city and proved to be historical eyesores.

Now yes, we do have BART and we have AC Transit. These are both viable modes of transportation but both have their limitations. Bart is fast, however expensive and not widespread. AC Transit is widespread and cheap, but unpredictable and incredibly slow for long cross city travel. Coming from a long line of conductors and train workers, I do have a special nostalgia for the ways of the rail. And looking past my own personal attachments I can see that there is a missing link in Oakland. If you strictly depend on public transit, Downtown is detached from most of East Oakland, Jingletown and Laurel are separated by two highways, Alameda is... well, It's Alameda and you're not welcome there.

Living in the area without a car for the past two years has taught me to either ride the slow and fragmented AC Transit lines, get a car, or ride a bicycle everywhere. I've chosen the latter as it's the cheapest and most convenient when combined with BART. I feel when the Key System was ripped from the ground, something deep in the roots of Oakland was also taken with it. I do want to better argue the cultural benefits of having streetcars over buses but I'll leave this post as a brief history of those simpler times... when people were together. 

The Timeless Oaf

Definition:

oaf (plural oafs)

   1. (obsolete) An elf's child; a changeling left by fairies or goblins, hence, a deformed or foolish child.

   2. (pejorative) A person, especially a large male, who is clumsy or a simpleton; an idiot.w

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    6. Patrick - SpongeBob Squarepants (1999) - IMDB

The most fun-loving and silly character on this list. He is well aware of his limitations, but stubbornly breaks through any barriers that lay in the way of his mental deficiencies. His home is under a large rock which is wonderful symbolism for his ignorant life style. Him and SpongeBob are an odd couple as they both lack common sense and logically reasoning. Although I love Patrick Starr he is really just a mix of every Oaf that has ever existed in film and TV effectively making him a hybrid oaf to rule them all. 

    5. Mongo - Blazing Saddles (1974) - IMDB

Who can forget Mongo? Mr. Brook's Greasy, dumb, and lovable creation. His brutal primitive actions are made innocent by the fact that he is a big troubled child inside. Kind of like a much larger, dumber, and racially confident Micheal Jackson. He is actually very reminiscent to Lennie, but without a proper counterpart.And although slow, his primitive wisdom does shine through. "Mongo only pawn... in game of life. "

    4. Lennie - from 'Of Mice and Men' (1937) - Wiki & IMDB

Lennie is who made me think of this list to begin with. I finished this brief Steinbeck tale on the train yesterday.  Lennie is a sweet, childish, and brutally strong friend of George, who is his smaller more socially slick counterpart. This genuine tale follows the wandering odd-couple in their journey to find happiness. As George tells a raptured Lennie, "We're gonna do it, we're gonna get a little place of our own an' live off the fatta the land." Already sounds sad doesn't it? I'll be watching '92 movie that features John Malkovich as Lennie shortly.

    3. Ludo -  Labyrinth (1986) - IMDB

So much love fills this over sized and hairy Jim Henson creation. For years I have been trying to recreate  his enormous cry with my own voice or complain about something smelly in his likeness. As is most of the characters in this film, he is a ruthless friend to the main protagonist, played by the stunning Jennifer Connelly. Ludo actually fits both entries of oaf. A success story to say the least.

    2. Glottis - Grim Fandango (1998) - Wiki

Glottis is on the edge. His physical appearance will get him thrown in with oaf community immediately, although his outward appearance does not reflect his deep and complex mind. Glottis is a demon from the underworld whose "roots lie not in any Earthly nation's soil. I am an elemental spirit summoned up from the Land of the Dead itself and given one purpose, one skill, one desire... TO DRIVE."  Like many of the best oafs, he teams up with a smaller and socially smoother counterpart. Here is Glottis at his most Glottistic:

1. Curly - Three Stooges (1933) - IMDB

No one can leave this hero off this list. A winner in everyones book. Every modern oaf is a large part of Curly. His wisdom. His charm. His blatent stupidity. His homosexual overtones. The stooges are unique in that they come in a trio. Where an oaf is usually matched with a guardian figure, the stooges are all foolish, childish men that manage to take care of each other. Curly is often full of excellent ideas when he is not attempting to be brilliant. However has great difficulty when actually putting his mind to something. "I try to think, but nothing happens..."

Winning in Life

I don't need to and don't often win things. Not to say I don't like excelling in my professional or personal affairs--I just don't have that supreme competitive drive that forces people to seek out useless challenges to pad their inner desire to win. It's a funny act. You can win the lottery,  a peace prize, a 1/2 gallon of milk, a heated game of Yahtzee, the possibilities are infinite. I personally like the feeling of win better when it's not based on chance or pity. Many probably disagree and treat all win equally. I received a nice taste of win the other day and it made me look back at some of the stupid things I've won in life.

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The Talent Show

I don't think I understood the meaning of win at this point in my life. I was a happy child doing what my parents told me, practicing my piano, doing my homework, being a good little Catholic school boy. Memories remain hazy of the days of pre-sixth grade, but a few remain. One being the amazing model Iroquois Longhouse I made with my father in the basement. Another being the day Sister Elsa dumped the contents of my desk onto me leaving me with bruised ribs. Another and most relevant being the 1995 Kingston Catholic Talent Show.

In my younger years I was considered a profound pianist. After only 2 years of playing I was better than anyone I knew and had a knack for performing. This is funny to me because somewhere along the road I've gained a phobia of performing and now avoid it at all costs.

Most memorable for me was Marie and Katie performing their unpracticed rendition of new Oasis hit 'Wonderwall'. I recall strong feelings of empathic embarrassment and confusion over the spectacle. I also remember a magic show put on by Philip. An unconvincing but very entertaining act. I'm almost positive he had a most excellent top hat. I also remember some primitive dance lesson chops and some better practiced sung songs.

Finally I was up. The piano was in the center of the gymasium/auditorium. I sat down at the old bright wood upright Steinway, stared at the keys for a moment--then started playing 'Spinning Song' which I had just recently mastered for NYSSMA.

Some strange boy playing Spinning Song

After I was done, everyone went wild not knowing the chops I had. And for the rest of grade school I would be made fun of because pianist sounds like penis. They also made a no-winner rule for all subsequent talent shows. I just had to ruin it for everyone.

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Amazing Magna Mountain Bicycle!

This was a random win. I put my name in one of those raffle bins they have at your local bakery or corner store. A few weeks later we got a call from the local fire department saying I was the lucky winner of a Magna Mountain Bike. "Great!" I thought. I like mountains and I need a new bike. This should be the perfect thing for me. 

No one informed me this was the worst bike ever. They just told me I won. This monstrous steel burden lasted for a few squeaky months before becoming completely unusable. Riddled with flat tires and an exuberant amount of rust, this piece ended up a permanent fixture of the garage where it still sits today. Thanks a lot Kingston Fire Department, ya cheap bastards!

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I know there is more, but many things I refuse to call winning. Such things as lotto scratch-off's, sandwich club cards, and Super Ghouls and Ghosts don't deem personal win. They are just life sucking bumps along the road that promise us glory.

Flea Market Wire Recorder

Rummaging through the Laney Flea Market, as I do every Sunday in Oakland, I happened upon a strange piece of equipment. The dirty suitcase, as I suspected, was carrying antique circuits, and to my surprise it was an antique recording device. The woman running the booth wanted the thing gone. For $20 I assumed ownership of a Webster-Chicago 'Electronic Memory' Wire Recorder. I was very happy to find out the very same model is on show in the Smithsonian!

As always being car-less and forgetting rope and scissors, we bought both and tied it to the back of my bike and started back to East Oakland. Upon returning I plugged the thing in and to my surprise the damn thing actually turned on. It's lucky for anything electrical to turn on from the flea market let alone something that is over 60 years old. The antique has an eerie look to it that matched it's electronic hum and recording quality.

The Recorder in it's heyday was quite the possession. It promoted the idea of talking to relatives and meeting new friends by "mailing your voice instead of a letter." They had a ''Wirespondence Club' that "maintains lists of wire recorder owners all over the world" which I'm assuming acted as a primitive Casual Encounters.

Before the golden age of magnetic tape, these babies were the prize. They were actually made of stainless steel Piano wire and if kept in good conditions are said to last up to 250 to 300 years. Here's a little history from the Video Interchange.

The technology of magnetic recording dates back to 1878, when Oberlin Smith proposed the idea of recording telephone signals onto a length of steel piano wire. Over the next thirty years the technology evolved at a "snail's pace"; stalled by lack of adequate and cost effective electronic amplification. By 1930, advances in electronics allowed the first commercially successful wire recorders to be introduced as dictating machines and telephone recorders in Europe and North America. During WWII, the machines found their way into the BBC who employed banks of them for sending messages to the French underground. Meanwhile the US Army & Navy also employed them for similar purposes in their operations centers. Following the war from 1947 to 1952, wire recorders became popular in America and across Europe, and started showing up in many homes. The wire recorder was the very first reliable audio recorder to find it's way into the American home in significant numbers.

So The first spool I whipped out also had the most interesting material. As the motor hummed as I switched on the machine, the words "Brother Master Ceremony" spat out of the machine. As it continued I quickly realized it was the swearing in of a lodge master for the Freemason fraternity. Very interesting. Very eerie. The determined voice went through the proceedings for a certain 'Brother Frisbold' who didn't seem at all present. I'm assuming they were both part of the 'Wirespondence Club'.

Here's a pic of the wire spools.

Finally, The recording plus a remix of the ceremony. 

1. Freemason Brother-Master Ceremony

2. Remix - Freemason Pancake Breakfast

I'm very interested in the production capabilities of rerecording things to the machine itself. The microphone that came included is said to have very bad frequency response. However, the actual wire itself, if fed a line level signal into its input, is said to sound very unique and warm.

I'll be collecting Wire Recording Spools and putting them unto Archive.org and also indexing them on this website. So if anyone has these laying around please contact me!